Tuesday, September 28, 2021
Miles from the Mainstream
D. R. ZUKERMAN, proprietor

LPR Goes Into (Temporary) Competition With Babylon Bee: How Donald J. Trump Will Be Barred From Running for President in 2024

July 5, 2021 --

A Joint  Independence Day  Edict From House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Charles E. Schumer

Whereas, Considering that  Article XXII of the Constitution declares:

"No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice", and;

Whereas, notwithstanding the fact that Joseph R. Biden, Jr. was inaugurated as President on January 20, 2021, and;

Whereas Donald J. Trump, unquestionably elected the 45th President of the United States on November 8, 2020, has never conceded the Presidency to the aforesaid Joseph R. Biden, Jr., and;

Whereas,  the refusal of the aforesaid 45th President to concede the election of November 3, 2020 to the aforesaid Joseph R. Biden, Jr. arguably raises a matter of de facto (but not de jure) election to the  Office of the President, and;

Whereas, notwithstanding a judicial opinion suspending Rudolph W. Giuliani from the practice of law for falsely asserting that the Presidential election of 2020 was founded on fraudulent and occlusive vote-gathering and vote-counting procedures; therefore,

Be it hereby Resolved that Donald J. Trump should be and is considered to have been twice-elected president, notwithstanding the fact that Joseph R. Biden, Jr. has been regarded as president by Congress and The New York Times and Washington Post, and; 

Be it further Resolved that all assertions that Donald J. Trump has falsely claimed to have won the presidency in 2020 are to be deemed null and void, 

Be it therefore Resolved that as Donald J. Trump, pursuant to this Edict, has been deemed a twice-elected President,  he is hereby  declared  ineligible to run for president in 2024, and for all Eternity, or the destruction of the planet Earth by Climate Change, whichever comes first.

(signed)  Nancy Pelosi
(signed)  Charles E. Schumer

With the enthusiastic support of Mitch McConnell,  Senate Republican Leader. (Initialed)

and with the considered backing of Kevin McCarthy, House Republican Leader  (Initialed)

Promulgated on this day of the 4th of July, 2021  and of the  Year of  Independence of the United States of America, the 245th.