Friday, March 29, 2024
Miles from the Mainstream
D. R. ZUKERMAN, proprietor
LPR’s Tribute to Newsfiction:
Hillary to Switch

APRIL 5, 2004 --

New York junior Senator Hillary Rodham-Clinton will leave the Democratic party shortly before July 4th, and become a Republican, no one has reported. It is expected by these non-existent sources that the Senator Rodham-Clinton is waiting until after the college commencement address season to make the announcement.

Speculation about the Rodham-Clinton move did not reportedly gain force as the Iraq counterterror controversy, sparked by the 9/11 Commission hearings, placed renomination of President Bush in doubt. With the Democratic nomination wrapped up by Senator John F. Kerry, the Rodham-Clinton move would open the door to a draft at the Republican convention. (The latter statement is, fortunately, literally accurate).

With President Bush the likely Republican presidential nominee, the GOP national convention in New York City, late in summer, was expected to attract tens of thousands of anti-Bush and anti-Republican demonstrators, perhaps eager to bring a "The Whole World is Watching" scenario to New York City as the protesters at the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago make their last hurrah. At that convention the cause was the Vietnam war. In New York City the cause would be the Iraq situation. The Rodham-Clinton switch to the GOP would definitely be a demonstration downer.

“If Winston Churchill, if Senator Jeffords, could change political parties why can't I?" the New York junior Senator might say, announcing the change. And then she could wait until United for Peace and Justice (UFPJ) gathers in Manhattan, August 29, and make her first major

Anti-GOP Convention posters used at the March ABM in Manhattan.


statement since the switch, addressing
the UFPJ throng and reminding the assembled that our involvement in Iraq is consistent with the Wilsoninan dream of making the world safe for democracy. Thereupon, UFPJ would end its opposition to the GOP convention, and march in a 2-mile rectangle around the Empire State Building with posters declaring: "Draft Hillary for President.” And, “Nominate Hillary - - Once a Goldwater Girl Always a Goldwater Girl." (The 1964 Johnson-Goldwater race.) There would likely be a few posters: "Stay Where You Are, Bill."

Al Franken was not reached on this story to pronounce it "A LIE!", nor was Rush Limbaugh contacted to reply "That's one way to put a stop to the media's tilt against the Republicans."

No Republican source has said: "Republicans are intrigued by a Rodham-Clinton GOP Presidential candidacy and, in fact, dazzled at the likely media criticism of Senator Kerry when he taunts Republican presidential nominee Rodham-Clinton: "Bring it on." Ralph Nader does not require the Rodham-Clinton reverse - Jeffords move to declare Republicans and Democrats form a duopoly, of course.