Monday, August 03, 2020
Miles from the Mainstream
D. R. ZUKERMAN, proprietor

Reaction from the Chairpersons of the Democratic and Republican National Committees

Statement of Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chairperson of the Democratic National Committee on the announcement of King Barack I that the United States of America has been transformed from a republic to a monarchy, with the nation to be known, henceforth, as  the Amalgamated States of America (Amstoa).

"We are so thrilled by King Barack's announcement that at this time mere words are inadequate to express our joy.  We do want all Amstoans to know that effective immediately the Democratic Party will be known as the Monarchy Party.  It is my personal honor and delight, as chairperson of the Monarchy National Committee,  to report that I am authorized to say that the former vice president will now be known as the Joseph, the  Duke of Biden. Long life King Barack I."


Statement of Reince Priebus. Chair of the former Republican National Committee:

"The former Republican Party congratulates King Barack I on his bold step, transforming the republic back to its original, monarchical,  context.  It had been my intention, before learning of the His Majesty's announcement, to issue a press release stating that my former party was prepared to  resolve the immigration problem by calling for the return to Mexico of all territory -- including New Mexico, Arizona and California --absorbed in war by the former United States,  contrary to the guidelines set forth in United  Nations  Security Council Resolution 242 on the acquisition of territory by one state from another. Also, my party planned to propose a Constitutional amendment requiring the teaching of Spanish as a second language.  As we no longer have a Constitution to amend, my former party simply  recommends that King Barack I consider our  proposals as he leads all Amstoans into a fair future.  In closing, I have sent the following email to Earl Robertreich, head of the Transformation  Department:  "Sir:   Please be advised that as the term "Republican" may well be considered treasonous in a monarchical political environment, the Republican Party must not,  and, therefore no longer does,  exist.   Long live King Barack I."