April 1, 2013 --

President Barack H. Obama, in an April 1 address beamed to  the universe, declared that the Declaration of Independence was a unilateral statement and, therefore, was "anti-government" and "illegitimate."  Mr. Obama said that all government charters deriving from that "mean-spirited" statement, including the Articles of Confederation and the Constitution "could no longer withstand even a modicum of scrutiny."  Mr.Obama disclosed that he offered,   in an email to  Queen  Elizabeth II, to return the United States of America to her dominion and control, but Her Majesty determined, by email response, that "this, sadly, is an offer we must definitely refuse."   Mr. Obama indicated that the queen did accept his offer of reparations for the all of the tea despoiled by hooligans in Boston harbor, December 16, 1773.

LPR file photo of King Barack I

Mr. Obama stated that the queen's reply left him no alternative to announcing the restoration of the monarchy to "our shores," to naming himself king, and to establishing  "a name for our nation that does not derive from the misguided statement of July 4, 1776.  Mr. Obama added that because "president" refers to an office  created by the Constitution, he must discard that term and will be known, "effective immediately, as King Barack."  His Majesty also stated that  effectively immediately, his wife will be known as Queen Michelle, and his daughters will be known as the royal Princesses Malia and Sasha. Our king  added that July 4 "will resume its proper role" as  a normal working day, and that "April 1 will be our country's holiday,  known as our  National Holiday of Dependence."

His Majesty also informed the world that he has established a new Department of Transformation and that it will be headed by Earl Robertreich who will shortly issue a list of the nation's  titled nobility. Informed sources  explained to  LPR that King Barack's nullification of the Constitution ends the ban on a titled nobility, and that our  titles of nobility  will correspond to the titles used in Britain: duke, marquess, earl, viscount,  baron and knight. These sources noted  that nullification of the Constitution resolves the "gun control controversy."   The sources also told LPR that His Majesty is expected to establish a unicameral parliament, adding that   it is not expected that political parties will continue in the present form, "due to the inherently-divisive nature of a multi-party political system."